Designing Your Life: Intentional Living After Loss With Cathy Christen

Cathy Christen: 00:00:00

And that was a big thing that happened at that point for me, was going, okay, like, let's stop, let's pause and think about if I'm blessed to be here in 10 years. Like, what does that look like?

Like, what excites me if I'm watching my life in a movie and I'm like, oh, wow, look what we're doing now, and look what's happening. And look at how we're contributing and whatever it is and what is it that it actually excites me? And then going, all right, cool.

The what do we need to do now to make that a reality?

And let me start making choices in my life that are aligned with that and let me put boundaries in place that actually give me the time and space for the things that are important. Because, Matt, another thing for me, like, I had become a workaholic.

nt. And I miserable August of: 2007

We did the things for my cous was awesome. But then now I was just like, what was the next thing professionally I was chasing.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:01:05

This week's guest is Cathy Christen. She is a serial entrepreneur.

She's the author of a book called Life is a Masterpiece, and she's an executive coach with over two decades of experience helping individuals and business leaders really design lives that are filled with purpose, joy, and our big word of the day, intention.

But more than her impressive accolades, her story is really about resilience and transformation after loss and this intentional living and finding the most joy in life. She opens up about the pivotal moments in her life that really led her to redefine what success looks like.

It's not just these external achievements, but she really wanted to align her life with what truly mattered.

So from navigating profound personal losses, including the sudden passing of her cousin and her sister, to finding a way to break free from societal expectations, and you know how much I love talking about that. Kathy shares how intentionally crafted her life rooted in meaning and connection.

I think by some of the examples that she shares about how she operates with her husband and in her family, you will be inspired or you'll take some new ideas into your own life. We really explore the power of reflection and the importance of prioritizing joy.

And then we talk a little bit about some actionable steps that you can design a life aligned with your vision if you are ready to Kind of change the life of autopilot that I sometimes talk about and sometimes feel like I'm doing.

And if you want to embrace that intentional living and hopefully discover what truly lights you up, I think you'll enjoy this conversation with Kathy Kristen. So without further ado, here is my conversation with Kathy Kristen.

I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the Life Shift candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

Cathy Christen: 00:03:00

Foreign.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:06

Welcome to the Life Shift podcast. I am sitting here with Cathy. Hello, Cathy.

Cathy Christen: 00:03:10

Hi, how are you? Matt?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:12

So good. Thank you for joining me.

We just had a little, little fun when Cathy joined this little remote studio here and we were like, why is her audio not working? Turns out it was me. Yeah, my plug was not in, so I apologize for that.

Cathy Christen: 00:03:27

No worries. I. Everyone who knows me knows I'm like, the worst thing for technology.

Like, anything I touch usually doesn't work, but I've been working really hard, so I was like, oh, man.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:38

Well, and the whole time I'm listening to you, I can hear you. You're telling me all this stuff, you're like, it's been a rough season. There's a lot of things that are happening.

And I'm like, yeah, that must be your fault too. Meanwhile, it was me. So this is how we be vulnerable here on the Life Shift podcast.

Cathy Christen: 00:03:52

Yeah, let's do it.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:54

Well, thank you for being a part of the Life Shift podcast. This, this show. I never knew I needed this show.

When I was 8, my mom was killed in a motorcycle accident and my dad had to sit down and tell me that she had died. I was visiting him. My parents lived thousands of miles apart.

And when he told me, that was like this line in the sand moment in which everything that I had dreamed about, my future that my family had probably dreamed about, my future changed in that moment. And because it was like late 80s, early 90s, nobody was really talking about, like, how to help an 8 year old through grief.

So I spent about 20 years avoiding the full grief journey and, like, fighting that and failing at grief is what I say. And the whole time I'm like, I wonder if other people have these line in the sand moments, Life Shift moments. Turns out people have lots of them.

Yeah, but you know, it was just like, I think growing up, if I had heard stories of maybe another guy in his 40s making it through life after something like that, maybe I would have felt a little less alone or something like that. So now I've just had the pleasure of Talking to over 150 people on the life shift about these moments. And it's just been such a healing journey.

So before we even start the conversation, thank you for being a part of my healing journey through this conversation.

Cathy Christen: 00:05:13

I love this and I love, I love the focus on this because when we first spoke and you're like, do you have a moment? I'm like, oh, my gosh. I'm like, yes. You know, I can think of very distinct moments and some of loss and some of just change and.

Or moments of just like, oh my gosh, I've had enough where I had to really reevaluate, you know, And I know that the stories of resilience through others and learning how others got through what they got through. I actually was just doing a coaching call with some of our clients, and we were, we were talking about this very topic.

And like, when have you overcome something that was. Seemed so challenging at the time that you did not think you could even get through, but you did. You overcame it.

And what resources, what actions, what things helped you get through it. And we just had such a beautiful conversation. So just the flow of this conversation continues. I'm so grateful to be here and chat.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:06:10

It's so beautiful.

When we as humans get to the point in our lives, some of us take a little longer to get there, but have the ability to reflect on these moments and think about the little things that we did, the. The big things that we. All the pieces of it and not just dismiss it as part of life, but actually like, really reflect on it and think about it.

And what I hear from a lot of people is like, oh, well, coming on your show, it really forced me to think, like, to the moment. Was it a phone call, was it an email? Like, all these things.

And I think that's like a beautiful thing that we can evolve to as humans is to have the ability to reflect on it and learn from it.

Cathy Christen: 00:06:50

Yeah, I love it. Well, thank you. You know, I was thinking about this. I'm like, where do we start? And I was thinking about what's the.

What was one of the most pivotal things that really shifted my. My mindset, like, how I did life. Like, this is the decisions that I made. And I was like, what's the earliest that I could really think?

I'm like, there's different things that have happened, but I really thought about when I was. I was 23 still at the time, and this was a little bit before my quarter of a century crisis. But I actually.

My best friend, who is my cousin or was my Cousin still is, wherever he is up there. We grew up as twins. We were two months apart. We did everything together, everything we could, you know, he lived in Puerto Rico, I lived in Miami.

I had moved to Miami for school. And we kind of go back and forth and I could think back, like all of my, like major milestones, things that had happened in my life.

He was always there and he was, he was taken unexpectedly. He had a brain aneurysm. And we were supposed to walk my dad's wedding a couple weeks later.

And you know, one day he's calling me to ask me a question about the wedding. And I was like, I'll call you later, I gotta go. And I was headed to the Bahamas for a trip with some of our salespeople.

? And I remember that year in: 2006

Like going through that year, turning 24 without him and really thinking about like I. I was like a zombie, I think for at least like six to eight months. Like I didn't know what to do. I mean, he was my best friend. He was my angel.

You know the old school cartoons where you have like the little angel and the little devil on the shoulders. It's like in our world, he was the little angel. I was a little devil, you know, I used my balance and I just, I felt so lost.

And it really, for me, it was like I was, he was my angel on earth, you know, and he was just gone. And. And I just, I remember during that year, you know, just thinking all sorts of things.

A big one was like, wow, like if I'm gone tomorrow, like what, what mattered?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:08:56

Right? Like what do I leave behind?

Cathy Christen: 00:08:58

Yeah. And what's important, you know, I was in my youth, I was chasing success, money, all the things, right?

And I was working my tush off, I was building and. And then this happens and I remember thinking like, wow. Like I was just, I felt so paralyzed.

The only thing that got me through that year was the fact that he set out to help me break an all time record that year. And during Christmas break had come over prior to that.

He passed in February and he had come over during Christmas break and helped me advertise and put out cars, do all these things. And you know, he was like, I want to help you have your first million dollar year. And you know, he was so invested and part of me.

And I remember, you know, my father and others be like, he helped you he was excited about seeing you do this this year, and he's still watching. And I was like, okay. And it kept me going, but it was tough, you know, and.

And really, that's where, for me, the introspection, intentional introspection, began in my life, where I was like, okay, I got to go in and see what's happening and what's actually important and not live life just going through motions, and we can go wherever you want. But that was, like, the first thing that made me go, whoa.

Like, I need to really look inward and really make some before I keep taking steps and keep going on a hamster wheel.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:10:15

Was he the first person that you lost that you were close to?

Cathy Christen: 00:10:18

When I was 12, my great grandmother, who was like, my mom. She raised me since I was little. She was my world. When I lost her, that was a really tough time.

But I think her being older, it was more normal, even though it was really tough. And so then the next for me was my cousin. Unfortunately, seven years after that, I lost my sister to a car accident unexpectedly. And so. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:10:43

Well, I can also imagine with being seemingly twins and kind of living this life together, this sudden stop of like, oh, crap, this could. I mean, this could happen to any of us. This could happen to me. This.

And something that you said really resonated with me and something that I internalized, and I think it probably society, with my trauma itself is I got on this, like, checklist of society.

Like, I was supposed to graduate, and then I was supposed to go to college, and then I was supposed to get a good job, and then I was supposed to get promoted. I just felt like I was doing things because someone put out a list, and I was.

Cathy Christen: 00:11:23

You're supposed to do it.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:11:25

Right, Right. I didn't.

And because I had that loss early on, I didn't have these feelings that you probably got stopped in your tracks and were like, like, am I doing this for the right reasons? Am I doing this for him? Am I doing this to make other people happy? Am I. You know, like, is that kind of what was swirling around in your head?

Of, like, yeah, it's just.

Cathy Christen: 00:11:46

I felt like I was missing out on so much, you know? Like, I started my business at 21. Well, 19, but really, once I graduated, like, I've had my business for 23 years now, and in my early years, I was.

I was working my butt off. I was trying to break all the records.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:11:59

Was that the goal for you when you started? Like, you just wanted to be successful, and that's the. The Route you thought, or was it you were super passionate about what you were doing, or both?

Cathy Christen: 00:12:08

No, I wanted. I didn't. My family grew up very low income, and I just. I didn't want to be poor. Like, that's what drove me initially.

But then it was like, this is so empty, you know, and that's where when I was 23, 24, I'm like, I'm chasing after money. I haven't spent time. My cousin kept trying to get a hold of me and I'm like, I'm working, I'm busy. I'll see you later. I'm busy.

I'm just heading to the bottom. I'm like, I love you. I'll call you when I get back. I'll see you at dad's wedding. Like, you know, and then we have.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:12:31

All the time in the world.

Cathy Christen: 00:12:32

And then I never got to talk to him again.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:12:34

Right.

Cathy Christen: 00:12:35

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:12:35

Because. Because when you're that age, I think you think there's.

Cathy Christen: 00:12:38

You're invincible.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:12:39

Well, you're invincible, but also you have more time. There's always tomorrow.

Cathy Christen: 00:12:42

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:12:43

And then there isn't.

Cathy Christen: 00:12:45

Exactly. And that's where my world's collided. And I went, whoa. You know, like, I've been working hard for late doing this related. And it's like, well, one.

I'm not promised later. Right. But then it became more about, like, things shifted of living an intentional life.

Like, that's where my, like, anyone who knows me, I talk about all the time, intention. Intention that, like, do things with intention. Like, you get to build your life by design. You get to choose what you do.

And there are things we cannot control, but we get to choose how we react to them and what we learn from it and how we carry the torch.

For me, when my cousin was gone and then my sister was gone, and people that were making a huge impact and how I wanted to carry that torch and utilize the days that I still had here. Like, I just feel like there's so many people that are living, but they're dead inside. And they're not like, living life.

They don't enjoy their lives. They're miserable. They're just going through the motions.

They're doing the checklist and they're not really in a place of joy and bliss, you know, I can look back and understand why so many people would be like, I'm just gonna go and take off and, you know, find myself and travel for a year, you know, because you get in this, like, all these expectations from the outside world, whether that's family, that's school, that's society, or a combination of all the things. And we go and we make decision based on what should be or should be or should be, versus actually taking time to think about what is important to me.

And, like, 10 years from now, like, what.

What would make me so happy to celebrate this past decade and, like, what I've done, who we've helped, you know, where I am, how I've impacted, how I've, you know, family, whatever is important to you.

I'm not saying X, Y and Z has to be important, but it's knowing what's important to you and being very clear on that and being able to reverse engineer that, to then take actions towards that.

And that was a big thing that happened at that point for me, was going, okay, like, let's stop, let's pause and think about if I'm blessed to be here in 10 years. Like, what does that look like? Like, what excites me?

If I'm watching my life in a movie and I'm like, oh, wow, look what we're doing now, and look what's happening, and look at how we're contributing and whatever it is and what is it that it actually exclusively excites me? And then going, all right, cool. What do we need to do now to make that a reality?

And let me start making choices in my life that are aligned with that and let me put boundaries in place that actually give me the time and space for the things that are important. Because, Matt, another thing for me, like, I had become a workaholic.

nt. And I miserable August of: 2007

We crushed it, we broke the records, we did the things for my cousin. That was awesome. But then now I was just like, what was the next thing professionally I was chasing?

And I had to really reassess again and go, okay, this is not as important as. Because I'd let my health go to crap and I'd let other things, you know, go down the drain that were super important.

And so that was a kind of, like, built off that, because it kind of started in 06 thinking about these things, but all I could think about was, I need to hit a million dollars for him. I need to hit a million dollars. And we did that that year.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:16:02

It was probably a blessing, though. I mean, I feel like it's, you know, it was probably something you needed to, like, Keep you above water so that you could just exist.

Sometimes, like, I hear so many stories of people that just, like, you're kind of floating through and you're doing what you know how to do, even though you were kicking butt and, like, doing the big things that a lot of people be like, dang, that's like, impressive. You're probably just going through the motions that you were used to doing in a way.

You know, I'm not saying that you weren't doing amazing things, but it was probably like, yeah, but I was avoiding.

Cathy Christen: 00:16:35

I was avoiding a lot of life.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:16:36

Right, but it probably helped you.

Cathy Christen: 00:16:38

It definitely did, right? If not, I would have just been in a. In a ball crying, probably.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:16:42

What triggered you to change?

Cathy Christen: 00:16:44

I took some time. I started doing some personal development. I went to Landmark that fall and I was like, I just need to.

I need to figure out, like, where I want to go, what do I want to do? Like, I just kind of was all over. I was talking to a great mentor of mine and two of my best friends.

I remember we were in New Jersey going into that fall and. And we were hanging out on the boardwalk. We were going for this walk, and my girlfriend started talking about something and they mentioned Landmark.

I'd never heard of it before. And they were like, oh, my gosh. This, this, that.

And they were using lingo that I guess they utilize there with training and different terminology that I just wasn't familiar with. And they said, oh, how about you, Kat? What are you with? I said, I have no clue what you guys are about right now.

And they said, you've never heard of Landmark education? And I was like, no, I haven't. And they were like, oh, my gosh.

They said, well, it's an incredible, like, personal development and really self awareness type of. And this. It's been around for a long time. They still run seminars all the time. And it's really understanding.

They're like, people go to just get to the next level no matter where you're at. They're like, you're going to meet people that are multi.

Multi millionaires that pull up in Ferraris, and they're just looking to get to the next level in their personal lives.

You're going to meet people who are just getting started, you know, like, it's such a wide range, but no matter where you're at, it helps you unlock and get to that next level. And I'm like, well, what is it about it?

You know, like, it's really understanding everything that's made you who you are today, like being really self aware of why you are the way you are, the choices, the environment, everything that's shaped and molded you and being able to take ownership of that, to go, okay, wow. I didn't even realize that because we start going, oh, this is the way I am. This is the way it is.

And sometimes, you know, as humans, we don't take time to really look back and go, oh, wait a second. Like, there were things that happened in our youth and we reacted or reacted certain ways, and these things helped shape and mold who we are today.

And I think that with that level of knowledge, there was a different level of empowerment of going, oh, I do have the ability to change my future or create what I want, you know, and not just be an autopilot. Because I think at that point I'd also been like, oh my gosh, I'm becoming my mother. And, and I.

And there were different things that I wanted in life.

And again, it came to the self awareness and really understanding myself, getting clear on my personal, like, vision and who I wanted to be and where I wanted to go and what I want to be known for.

Regardless of the time I had on this earth, I was like, whatever time I have here, like, I want to be able to feel good that I'm utilizing the days, you know, to move my family forward, to move my community forward, my faith, you know, in different aspects that were really important to me that just completely shifted how I did life before that. It was like, chase, chase, chase, and then autopilot on the things I thought were important.

And then that shifted to, okay, what's important to me, and then taking a healthy look every year after that. And when things transition and when things got lost and going, oh, okay, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:19:45

When you get stuck in the, in the cycle again, you just kind of, you have to, you have to stop.

It's funny that you're, you're saying this and your story is unfolding like this because when, when we first started, I was like, how lucky are we when we're able to reflect?

And you're like, I did this in the, in my 20s and I, I did this program which was all really about dissecting and reflecting on the things that made you, you. Because you're going through regular school. Like, we all go through regular school. We're not taught to think about those things.

We're just like taught to be an accountant.

Cathy Christen: 00:20:17

Not taught many life skills.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:20:19

Correct. Like how to balance a checkbook. It's so beautiful in a sad way that your life unfolded in that way of loss.

And like, it forced you to this beautiful opening of, like, how something so tragic can bring you to a place where now you have the tools to be able to design the life that you really want. Not the life you thought you wanted, but the one that you really want and create that and probably create a better balance. I'm hoping would.

Sounds like you were a workaholic. Did that go away when you started to reflect?

Cathy Christen: 00:20:54

Yeah, it still comes back in spurts, but I'm much better at my boundaries now. I travel probably six to eight months out of the year for a decade and a half, which is nice.

So we shifted a lot of things and that came through the years. But I love my work, I love what I do, I love how we impact. But it's definitely.

It's shifted from, you know, at that point really figuring out, okay, how do I want, what do I want this to look like what's important to me, Starting to integrate some of those things, then seeing myself get lost in the shiny things and winning this and this award and this money and whatever, and then going, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm still not integrating all that's important to me. And, you know, really sitting down a year later and going, all right, I need to really think through.

And I was blessed to be introduced to Matthew Kelly at that time and he wrote a book called the Dream Manager. And really that clicked and forever changed my world. Everything I've done in my business since then has been around this. And it was.

It gave a structure to what I was starting to do, but it was really more of the vision part. I think that being young, I always knew what I didn't want and what I was running away from.

And when I was working hard, it was not to struggle like my family had or not to, you know, not be able to do this for my kids or, you know, money and time were very scarce growing up in a low income family. And so this was something where all of a sudden I was like, oh, wow, like, what do I want? Like, what do I really want?

good? And so I think that in: 2006

And as I was still dealing with that a year later, then it was like, well, what do I want? Like, what excites me? Because I thought I wanted all these accolades and all these things and I got them.

And like, I'm not happy, you know, and I miss.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:22:56

We all Find that out.

Cathy Christen: 00:22:57

And I miss people that I love and I've alienated people that were close to me. And so what do I want? You know, and, and that is still today. I mean, that's the book I published six years ago.

That's what I've taught for over two decades. But it's been really getting clear because to me, anything you're doing, everything you're doing, I help people start at scale companies.

You know, it started probably 18 years ago starting businesses and then about 15, 12, 15 years ago helping a lot of businesses, scale businesses. And then the past decade has really been focused on more helping owners be a real owner and not just a full time operator. Right.

And that, that was a big shift for my life of understanding. Like I can let go of the reins, I can have the proper infrastructure, I can have this and I can have time for the things that matter.

y sister was taken from me in: 2013

She was my roommate at the time.

And you know, and it really, it really hit again of like, make sure that you're living, you're loving the life you're living as you build for the future.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:24:12

That's hard. It's hard, I think, especially with society because we see like you pointed out these shiny things and we're like, look how happy they must be.

When in reality, I'm sure a lot of them are quite miserable in some of the, you know, in some situations. And to be able to figure out like, no, when, when all is said and done, what do I really want? That's a, that's a big question.

Are you able to answer that in a, in a, in a way to yourself? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but are you able to answer that easily now that you've practiced it for so long?

Cathy Christen: 00:24:47

For sure, for sure.

It was harder at first, you know, and then it, and then it became really simple because like for me, the things, the memories, when I think about my life being young, the things that are most important, like they centered around family and quality time and exploring new places and that, that could be a place that's 10 minutes away from home we've never been to.

It didn't mean going across the world, although now we get to, you know, but it was like just really thinking about, like for us, it's like, it's exploration and curiosity and being able to foster that within our kids. It's being able to have connection with people that we love. And my husband and I are super intentional about, like, our date nights.

And one weekend a month is our time, like, and I even mapping out this year, I'm like, hey, you better set aside third week of February. That weekend. Hey, set aside March. And he's like, what do you. And I said.

I said, we're both busy, and I'm just making sure we have our weekend each month that we're going away. And I'm like, we're going to New York here, We're going here, there. He's like, I said, we're having a staycation here.

Sometimes it's just a staycation. We get a hotel tonight in the city and we just hang.

But I'm like, I need that time that's important to me, that if I'm gone tomorrow or something happens like my husband had. We didn't wait till we got to blank to have that. Those quality. That quality time every month.

t of the plan I wrote down in: 2007

I want to have regular date nights. I want to go out because I saw beautiful marriages, and I saw really shitty ones.

And I knew that the beautiful marriages made time for each other, and they made sure they were intentional about connecting. And so it was like, all right, like, I need to create that into my schedule because it matters to me.

And I don't want to see cheating and divorce and all these things that I'd grown up with. I wanted a different life.

And so if I want a different life, I also need it act differently, you know, then people that I saw that didn't have that and be like, oh, I don't want to hang out with my husband. Like, I'm gonna go, well, how do you expect that relationship to last a long time and be happy? You know, we all know whatever you.

You feed, whatever you water, whatever you take care of, like, that grows. And. And so again, back to intention. Just like, what's important to you and.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:27:08

And creating time for it.

Cathy Christen: 00:27:09

Creating time for it, you know, And I think that's the Harder thing for me now, Matt is the timepiece which I'm the woman people go to how to get more time your day. But like I just had a third kid, you know, I have a six month old.

And so that's been a little more challenging where we're still fighting to have our time. But it's like you take her or you take her. You know, we're tired. We have and you know, she's. She's not sleeping well.

We're like, all right, we're getting a sleeping coach. We just talked about it the other day. I'm like, we gotta get a sleep.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:27:37

I know someone.

Cathy Christen: 00:27:38

Oh, awesome. I just was told someone else. I'll take all the recommendations and check them out.

She was doing amazing and then had a regression and we have not been able to get her back. So that has taken from our intimate time, you know, in the evening because one of us is with her or something. I'm like, all right, you sleep in.

You wake up early, I'm gonna sleep in. And we're like switching off. I can't wait to get past this season. And I think that's okay too.

I think for anyone listening, like there are seasons where it can be a little bit harder to be in a perfect routine, especially if you have new little kids or maybe you have a new job that has you travel a lot or different things, but you can still make that time, even if it's. We have a babysitter that's coming for two hours for him and I to go have dinner by our.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:28:19

It's what you said. It's intention. It's not. Most people are not going to be perfect all the time. You're not.

I'm not happy all the time, you know, like, I'm not sad all the time. Like you're, you're all the things like. And so there's going to be, I think in my opinion, things that bounce up and down and around and.

And life just takes you for that ride and.

But if you're always kind of have your North Star or your intention to what's important to you, I think it's probably a lot easier to pull yourself back into the routine when it's tenable. Like when you can for sure. Because life happens, you know, like you're not gonna be able to do everything all the time at the right time.

You've experienced life happening which knocked you off your rocker. But now if another life event happens, you have that North Star. I'm sure it's easier is not the Right word to use there.

Cathy Christen: 00:29:10

But I think prior to that, too, I had, like, I never knew there were mentors, you know, in my life, growing up, or best friend's D dad, someone from our church. And they kind of always poured into me.

But I think that during this time and this transition, this life shift, when I really was looking at what I want to do, where do I want to go, that also came up. The power of. Of mentors and coaches, you know, and that was a huge thing for me as well. There was a.

I think, a little bit of letting go, of pride, of, like, I can do this on my own. I got this.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:29:42

You could. It might take longer, right?

Cathy Christen: 00:29:44

To going. You know what? They've crushed it. They've got a track record.

st coach that year going into: 2008

Because health was really important, and I had the excuse if I didn't have time, and I had this, and I could. And I was like, no. There are meal services. There are chefs that'll cook for you.

You can meal prep once a week to get a good, you know, amount of the base things done. And they held me accountable on areas. You know, I'm thinking back, there wasn't a lot of business talk from this coach.

I was pretty dang good at running my business, but. Yeah, but I wasn't happy. I wasn't doing all the things I wanted to do. And so they're like, did you go to your dance class?

I started taking a dance class on Tuesday nights.

I started doing things that helped me kind of come back to life, you know, as I had been through that morning phase and then transitioning, like, that was really, really helpful.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:30:57

Yeah, no, I mean, I think that's beautiful, too, because I think a lot of people forget or we put ourselves, like, on this back burner a little bit. Like, we feel like we have to do all the things, and then we can tend to ourselves.

When I think you should probably flip it, because you probably showed up better when you felt more full, when you felt more. Not literally full, but, like, more full of joy and, like, More yourself. You probably performed better in other roles.

Or am I making a weird assumption here?

Cathy Christen: 00:31:25

Oh, no. Heck, yeah. You show. I mean, I showed up so differently. Like, your energy's different. You feel more vibrant.

I mean, even just food has the ability to shift so much of, like, how you show up and the energy you have. And I kind of got obsessed with that for a while, like, learning about, okay, what's this? And what fuels me? And, you know, even now, like, I love.

And I have a buddy that I'm helping with is, like, biotech company. Because I'm just. I'm obsessed with longevity. And I'm like, I'm an old mom. I had kids. I started having kids in my 40s, but it's still.

It's a lot, right? And our energy is different in our 40s than it is in our 20s, right? And I'm like, I've got three little humans under five.

And just being able to look at those things and knowing, like, wow, there are some little things that make a really big difference.

And even for myself, like, I know when I just roll out of bed and start dealing with the kids and stuff, like, it's usually not the best energy that day, you know? But when I can have even 10 minutes, like my husband did this morning, he's like, I'm taking the baby. You take time.

And then I'm handing her off and it's my turn. And I just, you know, I did a meditation. I did some prayer. I did. He actually gave me, like, 20 minutes, did a little yoga flow.

I was like, I'm not stopping till he comes back. And then he was like, kind of like, tag, you're it. You know? And then he goes, we have a sauna in our garage.

And he went to the sauna and did his thing. Like, it was a totally different morning. It felt like a totally different day. And I. And I know that I'm aware of that.

And sometimes I don't do a guy like. And he's my accountability of like, hey, babe, I need 10 minutes minimum each morning. Would I love two hours? Oh, yeah.

Those days right now are on pause.

But if I can have 10, 15 minutes to myself and then I can schedule time later, it's easier for me to work out later and stuff, just because I've got three littles. And the mornings are pretty busy, but.

But just that time to center and to go about the day with intention, to just review my day and know what needs to happen and not be like. But just know what's going on. It just. Just feels different.

And people feel a totally different energy than when I'm like, okay, so, you know, and I'm, like, frazzled, you know, reacting to the kids and businesses and whatever fires need to be put out. Like, that's not a fun way to live.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:33:38

Well, I can. I feel that energy through this. Like, I. From you, I feel. I don't know, it's like this centered. Like, I know who I am.

I know what I can put into the world, because I know what I'm putting into myself.

Cathy Christen: 00:33:54

Thank you.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:33:54

And, like, you can feel it. Like, there's this. This aura that you have because you do that. And I know it was probably a lot of work to become this version of you, right?

Like, there's a lot of practice that has to come along with that. You have to trust yourself that you're making the decisions that make sense.

Because I think at first it's probably really weird, like, to do some of these things, right? Like, was it when you were transitioning into this refocusing?

Cathy Christen: 00:34:20

It was. And it was. It was really hard because my friends and family thought I was a little bit kooky, you know, like, they're like, makes it harder.

Just, like, go to church. You'll be good, right? Like, I grew up a faith, and I'm like, yes. And there's a lot more than that, right? Because there's spiritual energy, for sure.

And whether you get that from meditation, you get that from grounding in nature, you get that from prayer, personal Bible study, whatever it might be for you, there is spiritual energy, but there's also mental energy, and there's also emotional energy. And then there's physical, which a lot of people just think it's the physical aspect. And I did, too, in my early years.

And we're like a cell phone, and throughout the day, battery goes down, we go to bed, it recharges, we go again.

And I didn't realize that although that is the foundation of our energy and one of the most important aspects, our food, our sleep, our exercise, right? Like, the foundation that. The physical energy. Like, there is a lot to be said about emotional energy and how happy you are.

Like, the quality of your relationships, the quality of your life, and really thinking about what are the things that make you come alive. And I think that, you know, losing my cousin and my. Like, that. Those. That life shift, it wasn't just, let's go on autopilot. It was, what. What.

What do I love? I love dancing. I started dance classes. You know, Like, I love. I love going out to eat, you know, and I made contests for my.

Set a budget to try a new restaurant, you know, monthly or at one point it was weekly. My accountant's like, you can't do this weekly. But that's something that, like, excited me. Going on trips, seeing the world. I love travel.

And that was something that really excited me. So I would create goals for myself and for my. My. My staff, you know, on different quarters or years.

And if they did this for the year, I would take them somewhere really cool. Like my operator that was with me for a decade, I took her to the Olympics in Rio. You know, we had a big. And we crushed it.

And I was like, we're going. You know, and it was. It's fun, like, bonding. And so I figured out, like, for me, like, finding like one, whatever it is.

Like, I have friends who hate travel. Hate travel. And then I have friends that love it. They're just like, I just rather be home.

I don't like to deal with airports and packing and, you know, that's their thing. They're more home bodies. Like, for me, I'm like, home is wherever I am with my family, and like, the world is my home. Like, I love traveling around.

But it was coming back to what do you. What. What actually makes you come alive? Like, what joy?

Like, it could be as simple thing as, like, I have a friend, she's like, I love working with kids with speech impediments. Like, it brings her so much joy. And she has all these, like, things she comes up with and exercises.

And obviously she became like a speed speech pathologist. But even when you're younger, she's like, I want it. Like, she would volunteer at the church. She would volunteer to just work with these younger kids.

And it just filled her cup. And so these are all parts of emotional energy. Like, are we. What are.

What things are we doing that make us happy and are the people that we're around, you know, bringing joy? There was a young woman that I worked with, and, you know, she was always in relationships.

And when she was single, she was really sad and her emotional energy was really low. And all of it was based around a person that she was dating. And I'm like, that doesn't need to be where you're. Where joy comes from. It can bring joy.

It could also bring a lot of pain. But, like, what are other things that. And she's like, well, I love community. I love being around people, you know, and.

And through that, she created a community of single people getting together, you know, like they get together once a month now and she has so much fun with that and leading this group and like finding it was like what is it about it's companion. So it's not the guy, it's just you love curating experiences, you love company, you love being able to do all these.

So how could we create that without it being tied to a partner? And then if you have a partner, that's bonus that you enjoy doing those things with.

But create your life where you just, you love what you're doing whether someone's there or not.

And then looking at the different components, like the mental energy aspect for me came just really looking at whether I was interrupting myself too many times in the day.

Learning how to time block, learning how to prioritize, learning to focus on three main objectives for the day and anything else was bonus versus the anxiety of I got to get it all done done. Business owners out there, come on, like what is it all.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:38:42

Everyone has their checklist, you know, that.

Cathy Christen: 00:38:45

Keeps going and going.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:38:46

Yes. It never ends. No.

I think you know a couple things and I know we're, we're running short on time, but first, how lucky your kids are to, to learn from you and your husband in, in chasing life in the way that, that humans were designed to chase life and not the way that you and I were growing up to learn how to do, you know, we were taught to be successful or you were chasing away from being in low income, you wanted to have more income and, and that kind of stuff.

I think it's so beautiful that your kids are going to have you as this example, you and your husband as this example of like how to have a healthy relationship, how to communicate, you know, I'm sure things go poorly in your house every once in a while and you communicate about that. Like it seems very nice in there. So I, I, I just want to express how wonderful that will be for your children. I think from my perspective.

Cathy Christen: 00:39:45

Thank you so much. Like that makes me actually teary eyed because oh man.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:39:50

But imagine if we had that growing up. I'm not to say that our parents weren't good or anything like that, but it was just how society was.

We weren't really designing our lives in the way that we wanted to with what filled us up up. It was like you could be an accountant, you could be a lawyer, you could be a business owner, you know, and then we just chased it.

So I just love that you're putting that example out there. One thing that I really is still stuck in my mind of Something you said earlier.

And I wonder if you use this with people you talk to or if people listening can kind of think about this.

Is when you said, if I was watching a movie about my life and I was getting jazzed about, look what she's doing now, or look who she's becoming, or all these. That is so profound. Is that something that you talk to more people about or is that just something you randomly said?

Cathy Christen: 00:40:36

No, that's something that, when we, when I, when I sit down with coaching with, you know, business owners or solopreneurs, that's kind of the first thing I like to do is really think about that.

Because everything, how you structure your business and I, I'm, I've been a business coach for a long time, so when it comes to business, I'm like, I don't, I, I do not dive into anything business related until I understand, Understand where, what excites them in terms of what they want their life to look like.

Because you're going to structure the business differently based on that, you know, And I have clients, I have two clients who do the exact same type of work, but how they do it is very different because one of them is a homebody and she wants to be in person with everyone and she has a studio locally and she has all these things.

And my other friend who's in the same line of work is excited about teaching yoga in every country around the world and being somewhere different every month for the next 30 years. And that excites her.

And so she has an online practice and how she set things up right, because that matches her vision for her life of just traveling the world, serving people, meeting all different cultures and communities where the other one is like so stoked to be the pillar of her community and have a place where people gather. And is either one right or wrong? Absolutely not. They're both absolutely beautiful. But it's what makes you tick.

So knowing like that 10 year vision and like, or five, you're just like, what is that? Your business in its adult stage is normally like your life five, ten years from now. Like, I mean, we're there, we're where you want to be.

Whatever that end goal, what does it look like? What is it? And knowing that because then we can.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:42:11

I want to watch the movie.

Cathy Christen: 00:42:12

Yeah, watching the movie and it's like you're watching a reel and you're like, like, what are you celebrating? Like, who are you with? What do you do? What does your day look like?

Like when you wake up and, and then being able to reverse engineer, to make sure that the decisions we're making as we create the infrastructure for their business are in alignment and are going to build towards that and creating the life of their dreams.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:42:34

I mean, I love it. I think it's so powerful and it has me starting to think differently. So thank you for that.

athy that exists right now in: 2025

But if you could go back to the Kathy that was hung up on your cousin because you had to go do something and you weren't able to, to have that conversation, is there anything you would want to say to that version of Kathy? Because I think she might need something.

Cathy Christen: 00:43:09

Slow down. You know, like, slow down. I think that we try to go through life too fast and we miss so many beautiful moments around us, us.

And whether that's just a sunset, you know, that can bring so much inspiration, you know, or a cousin's birthday party or, you know, a night out with friends that really fill your cup and maybe a Bible study, like, just slow down.

There are some big things out there and things that are so important and you're moving so fast that you might be missing these beautiful things that could be so life giving around you. And so that's something I wish I would have heard back then.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:43:46

Yeah. And. And at the same time, you think of her and she's running from. She didn't want to grow up in the way that she grew up.

Like, she didn't want to be older and like, have money problems. So you were still, like, trying to save yourself at the same time. It's really challenging, you know. I think it's beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for what you do to the world.

Because if there are more Kathy's out there because of you, all these kids that are now being affected by their parents being just more designing of their. Of their lives and filling their cup in appropriate ways. It's just like the ripple effect is probably immense. So I hope you recognize that.

I hope you see that and, you know, it brings you joy in that way as well.

Cathy Christen: 00:44:29

Yes, that's my highest hope, you know, and I've. I've had the opportunity to. My husband and I have worked with youth for many years as well.

And we just love being able to impact the next generations and next generations of leaders and parents, and they just do life a little bit different, you know, because. Oh, it's just really sad to See, like, where our world, like, there's so much good and so much crazy.

And you go visit other countries and you see like the joys of like four hour dinners and people that love each other together. And like, that is life, you know, and here's a go, go, go, meeting, meeting, meeting. Go here, go, go home, go to sleep, go wake up, do it again.

And it's like, okay, cool. And also, how are we taking some time, you know, to make sure that we're not missing all these moments because people go, go, go.

And then all of a sudden you're in your 50s or 60s going, what the heck? How did 20, 30, 40 years just go by? Right? And to me, that's one of the saddest things, and I see that a lot.

And my hope is that for anyone listening, you know, wherever you're at, like, no matter whether you're at 50, 60, 30, 20, 40, wherever you are, that you can, you can start making everything count, you know, from here on out that hopefully necessarily you don't have to go through something super tragic that shifts, but that through listening to like, Matt's podcast and hearing stories, you can go, you know what? Like, this is where I'm going to shift. Like, I just, I want to live a life that's full of more joy. I want to live my life by design.

I want to stop being on autopilot on everyone else's expectations and really think about what lights me up and what makes me shine to my fullest and what helps me utilize my gifts, my talents, my potential to its fullest and what would that look like and how could I put that out into the world? And I promise, when you do that, you are going to be experiencing so much more joy.

And the light that you have and the energy that you have that you'll exude, people will feel it and you'll attract more business and you'll do all that, like, everything just will flow. And it's really incredible to see that. So that's my highest hope for everybody.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:46:40

I think there's something of every story, every story that's gonna impact someone.

And like in, in your, in your example of like picking up that book at the right time because you were already on that journey and then that book put things in a little bit different of perspective and got you on this road. It's like you never. Someone's story is going to affect them.

So I hope that's happening, if that is happening and they want to connect with you, find out more about what you do.

Cathy Christen: 00:47:03

Yes, Absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:47:05

Tell you their story, whatever it is. What's the best way to get in your circle?

Cathy Christen: 00:47:08

Kathy kristen.com My website's the best. It has links to all my social media. You can even book on my calendly if you wanted to connect. It's, I'm pretty, pretty accessible there.

Well, when I'm, when I'm available.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:47:20

But when you're not making time for other things that bring you joy.

Cathy Christen: 00:47:24

And then the link to my book is there as well. Life is a masterpiece. And you know, that's something that contact me if I don't know.

I know some people sometimes might be going through financial trouble. Like it's something that I'm more than willing to give.

I know what's in there and how it's helped transform my life, you know, and how it's helped so many people. And so I hope that there can be some great nuggets of inspiration.

But it's also really designed as a blueprint to help you as you're designing your life. So that's awesome.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:47:51

Kathy kristen.com yeah, and we will include that link easily in the show notes so people can just like click it wherever they're listening and then visit it when they're not driving and they're at home and able to do it.

Thank you for telling your story in this way, letting me ask the questions that I do and painting that picture of, of how we can kind of build our lives in the way that we want to. We don't need permission to do that. We can do it and we should. We should find the things that bring us joy. So thank you for being you.

Thank you to the listeners for listening. If something that Kathy said today, you think someone in your circle needs to hear this story, please share this episode. We'd love that.

And with that, I'm going to say goodbye to Kathy and I'm going to say that I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Kathy.

Cathy Christen: 00:48:32

Thank you.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:48:45

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.