Catch Up with Alex Knight: Life Lessons Through Music

Matt Gilhooly: 00:00:00

Hello, my friends.

I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift podcast. If you don't know, I do have a Patreon. It currently only has two tiers.

One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs. And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and.

And just the, I guess, warm fuzzies for helping me out with the Life Shift podcast.

But I used to have other tiers where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.

And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money. So right now we're just kind of doing the early episodes.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:00:56

You'll always get those.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:00:57

So if you want to support the Life Shift podcast, Please jump to patreon.com thelife shiftpodcast and you can find that information there. But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon journey.

There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests. So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.

And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping these episodes. Whatever you're listening to now is another episode. So I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.

But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift podcast. And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.

Alex Knight: 00:01:58

So.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:01:59

So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:02:05

I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the Life Shift Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Today I am joined by my friend Alex. And Alex, you were episode nine, I think.

Alex Knight: 00:02:27

Nine. Okay. Yeah, I was gonna. I meant to tell you before we started that I forgot what number it was.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:02:31

Yeah, it was so long ago and.

And you were part of the group, I think, really you may have been recording or we may have recorded it before I launched or right around the time that I launched the. The podcast itself in March of last year.

It was pretty close to the time period in which this was all just kind of a school project and I didn't know where it was gonna go. And now I've recorded, by the time this comes out, probably close to 60 episodes.

But at this point, yeah, I've recorded a 50 plus and I've released 40 something, and so we're. We're finding that. That groove. So I appreciate that you came on and trusted me enough. People have told me all about how they enjoyed your story.

So before we get any further, maybe you can just kind of remind us of what your episode was about.

Alex Knight: 00:03:22

We were touching base about this before because I couldn't fully remember because it was like I. It was one of those things where, like, I was trying to figure out a moment and it had something to do with.

With some pivotal moment that music played in my life.

And I think the original idea was when I got my first guitar, but then as we talked more and more, it seemed like it was coming down to when I saw the Monkeys on TV when I was like, really, really young.

But one of those two things, and then we just kind of explored all the different ways that music has sort of like, helped shape my relationships and the trajectory of my life in different ways. Whether it was playing it, listening to it, teaching about it, whatever.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:58

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:03:58

You know, what was interesting about your episode is I noticed that it seemed like in your life there were parts of you that were trying to, like, do what was quote, unquote, expected of you that wasn't in music. And somehow music always kind of brought you back to it.

Alex Knight: 00:04:16

Oh, yeah. Every time, like, it. It's like an anchor or something like that. It just. I.

I should have learned probably sooner to just quit, you know, cut out all the outside noise and. And follow that a little bit more. I think, in fact, there. There's been like, a couple times since then where I will say, like, after.

After doing that episode with you, I started being a little bit more, like, aware of when something involving music was factoring into my life decisions. And there's been a couple more instances since then that I trace back to that. It's just interesting to.

To see it pop up, even in ways I wouldn't think, you know?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:04:54

Well, I mean, I've heard other people talk about, you know, saying all these things out loud is quite different than thinking of, like, the little chunks of time and kind of stringing Together, this story or this conversation about it. People are like, you know, I didn't really realize the impact that that particular piece had on all these other moments.

So I'm not surprised that by sharing that story that now you're thinking about it more and thinking how. How everything connects. I mean, I like that. I think that's hopefully been beneficial for you in a way.

Alex Knight: 00:05:27

Oh, totally. It's like therapy.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:05:29

Yeah.

Alex Knight: 00:05:30

Like, I think it's one of the genuinely, like, one of the benefits of therapy is that, like, sometimes there's all this stuff floating around your head. You just say it out loud to someone and you're like, oh, yeah, that was, like, painfully obvious. Why don't I, like, act on that now?

So it just kind of takes all the jumble and puts it in the trajectory.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:05:47

It's so.

I don't know if you can relate to this, but sometimes I'll be thinking of something, and it seems so very dramatic in my head, and then I'll verbalize it to someone else, and I'll be like, wait a second. That sounds very inconsequential.

Alex Knight: 00:06:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happens a lot. Or also, like, there. It's almost like my brain has figured out something before. I've realized that it figured it out.

So I'll, like, have all this information. I'll be like, man, I just don't know what to do. And then I'll just, like, say it out loud and then go, oh, well, that's what I should do.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:06:20

You know, like, it's all clearly written right in.

Alex Knight: 00:06:23

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:06:25

I understand that you may be different in this particular question than some of my other guests. Some of my other guests have never done a podcast or never really heard themselves on a microphone of some sort.

When you listen to your episode, was there anything that stood out to you or was it. Was it a weird experience or was this kind of like. Oh, yeah, no, it was.

Alex Knight: 00:06:45

It was kind of what we were just saying. It was interesting to hear it back and to, like.

I think as we were talking, I found more and more instances of, like, oh, I wouldn't have had this relationship in my life if it wasn't for music. I wouldn't have had, you know, wouldn't have turned left at this, you know, juncture in my life if it wasn't for it.

And then I was able to verbalize that better when. So I. I've always had this back and forth with my dad, in particular, about, like, because he was very much like, the. The one.

And we talked about this in the episode too, about, like, be a doctor or a lawyer or whatever. Don't, you know, follow these creative things. And then just recently, I saw his brother. I was.

I was up north visiting some family, and I saw his brother, who I've always gotten along with really well, but he kind of, like, weirdly, like, launched into me. Like, it was just he and I in a room at one point eating food, and he was kind of going like, hey, like, I saw that you.

You know, you and your brother, you're. You're making these music videos. They look like they take a lot of work, you know, it doesn't take a lot of work and time.

And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, it's a lot of work, you know, not knowing where he was heading with it.

And then he was like, well, like, you know, shouldn't you be putting that into your career? Or, like, shouldn't you be putting that into, you know, whatever? Like, why are you putting that into. Into making these things if it's, you know?

And as a result of sort of reflecting on our conversation, I had all this, like, ammo at the ready where I was like, dude, like, I wouldn't have my job if I hadn't been doing things like this my whole life. I wouldn't have my wife. I wouldn't have a close relationship with my brother.

You know, like, depending on where you're placing value, I mean, even if you put the value solely on money, I wouldn't have a career or my current career if it wasn't for music, and I wouldn't have the money that I have made from music. But besides that, like, you know, it was almost kind of flipping the table on him. Like, don't you think it's important to be close to your family?

Don't you think these other relationships are important? And those would not exist for me if it wasn't for music.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:08:40

So, yeah, ammo.

Alex Knight: 00:08:43

Yeah. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:08:44

Now you have the back. You have all the proof written down. Like, you did your research paper. Your dissertation is done.

Alex Knight: 00:08:50

Yeah, yeah. And what is life experience for if not to weaponize against your relatives?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:08:54

Exactly. Especially holiday gatherings and things like that.

Alex Knight: 00:08:57

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I. I think there was.

There was definitely a part of me that was wishing, like, I had been able to say all of that to, like, my dad 20 years ago or something. You know what I mean?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:09:07

Did. Speaking of that, did. I don't know if any of your friends or family listened to your episode.

Did you get any feedback from others that happened to take a listen to your story and you know, it's.

Alex Knight: 00:09:20

I, I didn't ask a whole lot because I, I feel I, I get in my head about stuff like that.

I'm like, you know, don't tell me if you liked it or not like, or whatever or, or just tell me you like something if you know, because otherwise I'll think myself into circles.

But yeah, generally speaking, I had a few people that I didn't even know listened, you know, that people we know through work or whatever that, you know, said they really enjoyed the story and found the episode interesting and everything. So people that tend to be, I think, probably creatively minded that have probably heard similar things in their lives, definitely.

Even my wife said there were a couple things in there that she hadn't heard before, so that was cool.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:09:56

I would imagine that some of our co workers listened and it kind of filled in some of maybe some of the gaps that they, they were not aware of or kind of how that journey brought you to where we currently work. And, you know, I guess I would be remiss if I didn't mention that your brother was also on an episode of the show with the.

A very different story, but also very related to music in a way as well of how music saved his life, you know, in a, In a more traumatic or a bigger way or maybe.

Alex Knight: 00:10:36

Like a more literal way. Like, I don't, I don't think any of my traumatic life moments were actually like life threatening in the ways.

If anyone hasn't listen to, to his episode. He. He had some really intense struggles with alcohol that got really, really bad for a while.

And I think like, our, our relationship and his relationship with his friends and then music itself kind of like helped. It was one of the tools that he used to help pull himself out of that and get sober and stuff.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:11:03

And, and how drums essentially, you know, getting into drumming again and more so, you know, kind of is his outlet, is the place where he feels safe, centered and connected, which, which I thought it was really interesting to have both of your conversations because you both mentioned the, the pressure. I don't know if pressure is the right word, but the. Your father's desires for both of you growing up.

And it was interesting to hear the perspectives as it relates to music and, and kind of doing what society tells us to do. So that was, that was certainly interesting to hear.

Alex Knight: 00:11:37

Yeah, it, it's. I mean, people talk about it being therapy, but then to actually, like, it's one of those phrases.

But then when I started thinking about it more that way and seeing him use it that way too, it helps you.

Like, I, I didn't get diagnosed with this until I got older, but like, I have adhd and once I started learning more about what that actually means and how you're, you're sort of starting at a deficiency of dopamine. Like, it's harder for you to, to collect it and you have less of it than what, you know, other people might have.

And when I was, I was really struggling with like some frustrations and depressive states that I'd come in and out of and everything. I made a list of the various things that I noticed that I got like, like just a huge dopamine surge from. And some of them are obvious.

It's like exercise or whatever.

I found that like doing a 20 or 30 minute workout, I could get the same like, mental buzz and kind of lift myself out of it just by playing the guitar for a few minutes.

Like if I just grabbed the guitar, felt the way that the strings kind of vibrated, played along with a song or two or something like that, and almost always that five minutes would turn into an hour or something like that. But so now I kind of keep a list handy of like, these are the activities to do if I'm, if I notice my brain is sort of like in a, in a rut.

These, these are things that are necessary to my existence that will lift me back up pretty quickly usually too. So just being more conscious of that stuff has been helpful.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:13:06

I mean, that's a, that's a great idea, especially for creatives. I think creatives, they can relate to your story, they can relate to how something brought it back or, or kind of actually built your life, right?

Like music really created what you're doing in your life and the people that surround you and, and the things you love to do. And I think some creatives can relate to that and maybe aren't as fortunate.

But in your sense that if you can keep, you know, if it keeps drawing you back, you may want to lean into it because there might be something that can, you know, kind of work together to, to create a better life. Like, like we talked about in your episode, what was interesting is, you know, you had your, your music career in which that was your career.

Like you were creating music, you were touring, you were doing a lot more, right? Like, that was your main focus.

But, but now that you've come back to music at an older age after doing other things, it allows you to create music for the sake of creating music, right? Like more of a A passion and.

And doing what you want, rather than this record label wants us to do this, or music or radio is telling me it has to be this way. Are you still finding that in your. Since we recorded, like, you've done more with your. Your current band.

Are you still finding that ability to do it for what you want to do it for?

Alex Knight: 00:14:29

Yeah, yeah. There's always kind of like a pressure that I think is just. It's kind of just baked into our society in general.

Everybody struggles with this on social media and stuff too, where there's always kind of like a. Well, it doesn't mean anything unless it gets to this number of likes or follows or whatever.

And I've definitely noticed a change in myself in terms of, like, letting a lot of that go. And I think it kind of goes to what I was saying before.

Like, now when I think about band practice or I think about like going to make a music video or. Or whatever it is that we're doing, I would say I'm more at like 70 to 80% thinking about it of like, I get to go burn off some negative energy.

I get to go like, you know, just kind of make something with my friends and it's a lot healthier, I think. Whereas I'm sure if I had a time machine and I went back to like, you know, practices when I was 19 and 20 years old, I.

I'm willing to bet there's just a dark cloud hanging over the whole thing because of the external pressure of like, what is this going to turn into? It's not going to matter if it doesn't make us money. It's not going to matter unless it gets to this achievement level or whatever it might be.

And yeah, being able to sort of like, go like, if that happens, it happens. But I've seen enough stories of rant, just random people, something blowing up that doesn't deserve to blow up, or the other way around.

Somebody works really hard and they slip through the cracks. Like it's. If it. You. You kind of embrace the fact that it's. It's a game of chance more than it is anything else a lot of times.

And yeah, I think that kind of freed up some pressure that I was. I was putting. Whether I was putting it on myself or whether it was coming from stuff that was baked into me as a kid. It was. It was there, you know.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:16:11

Well, I think part of it too, like your earlier career, when you were doing more touring and you were doing more of that, trying to make that a full. There was A pressure to be successful. Probably one. Right.

You'd have to pay the bills, but also your family is telling you, like, this is probably not, you know, like, you're not going to make a ton of money. So I think there is that natural pressure. But now you have a job and you can do this, and if it hits big, it hits big.

If it doesn't, and it serves the purpose, like you said, of kind of getting out that energy, getting good energy, working with your friends and your. And your brother. I think there's a. There's a lot of benefit in that, and I think creatives can relate to that.

I mean, I always think about the podcast too. Right. It. All it takes is one episode. Just like all it takes is one song to hit. Right? Right. And so you never know. You just keep creating.

And if it's bringing you joy as you do it, then if it does, then it's a win, win. Otherwise, it's just a win.

Alex Knight: 00:17:09

Right.

And it's also, if you're doing it that way, like, if you're just making what you love and doing it because you love it, then if it does hit, you haven't stuck yourself in a situation where you got to keep making things that maybe you were making for the wrong reasons before.

Where we've, like, you know, that was something that kind of happened with the band that I was in, in my, like, early 20s, was that we had this, like, EP that kind of blew up underground in the pop punk circles of that era.

And we almost felt, probably some of us more than others, but you almost felt committed to, like, we have to make more music like that, even if that's not where our head is at at the. At the moment. And, you know, like, if you're. If you're just making for the sake of making stuff keeps you from falling into that trap, I think.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:17:53

Well, yeah. And then you can possibly start to resent it, like, and then. Then you lose the love for the act of creating itself.

So, I mean, I think your story shared that, like, where you're at is a pretty cool place for a creative standpoint, right?

Like, sure, I'm sure you'd love to be a millionaire because of your music, but at the same time, you're still able to enjoy the things you want to do, but also pay the bills with your real job that is still related to music. So, you know, it's kind of like you found that nice space, or at least what appears to be a comfortable space.

Alex Knight: 00:18:26

Absolutely. It's. It allows me to focus on Other aspects of music too, that I probably like.

If I was only making music all the time, I don't know that I would even have the. The time or. Yeah, I just may not have had the, the time to jump into some of my other obsessions, like getting.

Because I'm super into music history now. I really like seeing how, like, artistic movements shape culture and things like that too.

And it's made me, you know, a lot more aware of those kinds of things.

Whereas if I was just chasing, like, we have to write a quote unquote hit or something like that, I'd probably be stuck in just listening the same thing over and over again, trying to copy it. And it's not a place I really want to be anyway.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:19:05

I know you do listen to a lot of podcasts one to find out more music history and stuff. Is there a particular, like, kind of story that you are gravitated or you gravitate towards when you're listening to other podcasts?

Alex Knight: 00:19:21

I'm huge into comedy in particular. That's like. And I, I don't know if that came from. Yeah, if that.

From the, the monkeys as well, because I know that, like, when I first saw them, part of what I was so fascinated by was that it was like, musicians that were really, like, having a good time with each other and like, making jokes and like, that was just as appealing to me as the music side of it was. So. Yeah, that most of my podcast stuff, I don't know. I have a. At my core, and I think this is probably again, true of a lot of creative people.

There's like, there's sort of like this. What is it? I don't know. It might just be sadness or, or something. There's. There's something sort of fragile down there. And I, I.

And I also am extremely empathetic to potentially, like, a negative degree. I would say, like, I could. Let's say I'm watching a movie or something that has. I don't know what's a big trigger for me. Like torture.

Like, if something, something bad is happening to someone who is helpless or an animal that is helpless. Yeah, I'm talking like, like it could literally be years that I'll be thinking about that.

It'll send me, like, into a spiral, you know, Like, I, I can barely handle stuff like that. My point in saying this is that when I go to external media, I'm always looking for uplifting, funny, like, happy.

Like, I can't really dwell in, in sad emotions too long because it's already there. So I'm like, I've already dealt with a lot of that, and I don't need more of that. So that being said, I.

If it's just people having funny conversations or. I also really like hearing the process behind creating comedy from funny people. And then I do a lot, you know, similar stuff from. From music.

I like hearing the life circumstances of. Of musicians from the past and stuff.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:21:08

So, yeah, that history element is interesting to you.

Alex Knight: 00:21:12

Disgraceland in particular. I don't know if you've ever heard that. I think we talked about that briefly, but that one's really interesting.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:21:18

It's not. Not the areas that I go into. I. I lean into that, like, tell me that a story. I know, and I will. I will eat that up.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:21:27

Well.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:21:27

But the thing is, you know, I listen to a lot of true crime, and people are like, oh, how do you listen to, you know, murder and crimes? And I'm like, you realize that the true crime shows are not really about the actual murder, and they're not really about the crime. They're a puzzle.

Like, that's what I listen to because I want to hear how things came together and, you know, we figured out how to solve the issue. So I always think there's like, this. This miss. It's not aligned with what people think true crime is, with what it actually is.

But that's kind of my case.

Alex Knight: 00:22:01

My. My wife is super into, like, you know, I'll walk by the TV and she's watching another cult thing or another murder, you know, or whatever.

And I totally get that. It's. I think even if it's not the focal point, if I heard the details of one of those murders, though, I can't get out of that space to.

To proceed to the puzzle. I also don't like puzzles. I'm like, just. Just show me a finished picture. I don't want to think about how it's put together.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:22:24

Hey, you know. But there's a podcast for everyone.

Alex Knight: 00:22:28

Yeah.

hatever. Grunge in Seattle in: 1990

Like, where did it come from? What were they reacting to? What did it launch? You know, Like, I like seeing all the kind of moving pieces there.

I was about to say, and then nobody gets killed. But then I thought of the grunge scene, and then, like, Everybody's dead.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:22:54

Not just the grunge scene. I mean, we got all sorts of musicians that have died in not so great ways. So to wrap this up, I think, you know, I like to. To ask, is there anything.

There's someone, you know, out there that wants to share their story or wants to put something out there or is thinking about it? Is there anything that you could say to someone that's maybe a little bit hesitant to do it, of the value of sharing your story with other people?

Alex Knight: 00:23:22

Yeah, probably what we were saying earlier is that it may help. Help you more than you realize.

Like, you might be thinking of it as, like, you're afraid to come out on a platform or, you know, talk openly about something like that because of, I don't know, whatever people fear external judgment, speaking in public, whatever it might be, but sometimes just getting it out of your head and into the world, it might help you, like, function a little bit better, too. And then, yeah, I think, like, for people like us that are interested in. In other people's stories, we start to see ourselves in.

It might give us advice. I know, you know, some of some of the episodes of your podcast that I listened to, like, a lot of them were people we knew.

Obviously, I listened to my brothers, and it's really interesting to hear, like, to humanize someone in that way. I mean, he's someone that I'm very close with. I know. I know him really well.

But I learned things in that episode that I wouldn't have heard otherwise, because just the nature of our relationship, you know, certain things he wouldn't have even thought to tell me, probably. But going through that process puts him out there, and it helps me understand him a little bit better. So, yeah, it's just. It's beneficial.

I'd say a lot more good comes out of it than. Than bad.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:24:34

Yeah, I would agree. And if it was bad, I wouldn't put it out there.

Alex Knight: 00:24:37

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I can't even think of what bad would be, you know?

Matt Gilhooly: 00:24:41

Yeah, I. I've even had. I had someone that.

The episode came out in January of this year, and she was going to come on and talk about, you know, her cancer diagnosis.

She had multiple cancer diagnoses, and she was going to come on, and she came on to this recording where we do this, where we do the remote recording, and she was like, I've been listening to a couple of these episodes, and I'd like to share a story that I've never told anyone in public. You know, I've never told anyone outside of my family. Can I do that?

And I was like, yes, because you just, like you said, you never know, like, how a portion of your story will resonate with someone at that particular moment in time that they're listening. It might not even be the biggest chunk.

It could just be some throwaway sentence that you thought was a throwaway sentence that really connected with them. So I'm just so grateful that all of you so far have shared your stories and in all different ways, and. And yours is a more uplifting one.

We have some sadder ones, but, you know, I appreciate it because there is a story for everyone. There's a podcast for everyone. So thank you for being a part of that. And thank you for being a part of this, for sure.

Alex Knight: 00:25:54

Yeah, my pleasure. I think it's a really cool thing that you're doing. I love, like, just connecting. Yeah.

Being able to seek those things and find them through other people's stories. It's kind of what the whole all of life is. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly: 00:26:09

We need to learn from each other, and the only way we can do that is share what we've experienced.

And sometimes that's really crappy things that we've learned from, or sometimes it's really awesome things that we can kind of emulate from other people. So thank you for being a part of it, and thank you all for listening. On the Patreon subscriber feed.

For more information, please visit www.thelife shiftpodcast.com.